


Nowhere to Run

by DeepDisiresLonging



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluffy Smut, Oral Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2019-11-21 18:47:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18146030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepDisiresLonging/pseuds/DeepDisiresLonging
Summary: In a perfect sexy morning, the Reader would have Steve all to herself. But her extracurricular plans go awry, and her secret identity is found out. No matter how sweet their lives have been, Steve Rogers has a lot of questions. And the Reader doesn’t seem to have the right answers.





	1. Nowhere to Run

_“Remember, set it to go off at exactly eight am. Not a second later or it won’t miss the subway. We need that for next week.”_

_“Yes, ma’am.” Jocasta made notes on the clipboard. “Everything else is set. Here’s to another day of justice.”_

_You clinked your wine glasses together, then left your assistant to finalize everything so you could go home._

***

Of course, the sun had to crack through the blinds right into your face. You rolled over and slung your arm across the torso there. He groaned and leaned his head up off the pillow. “Mornin’.”

You wiggled closer and tucked your hands between your bodies. “Morning.” Sleep came back a few seconds later, though you had the sensation of being watched. In the best of ways. When you woke up again at a more decent hour, Steve’s blue eyes were glowing. “Hi,” you hummed.

“Hello.” His eyes crinkled at the sides as he smiled. He pushed a lock of hair out of your face. “Sleep well?”

“Mhmm.” The day had barely begun and already a million thoughts were running through your head. You had a busy day ahead. At least the sleep was good while it lasted. “You?”

He nodded. “Good. But I’m hoping I can relive a bit of my dream.”

“Your dream-?“

You squealed as Steve rolled over the top of you. He blew a raspberry into your neck, making you giggle.

His hands were everywhere. Their largeness just meant he had more to tickle you with usually but that’s not what he was interested in. The teasing movements of his mouth across your skin come to a halt at your lips. Time screeched to a pause. Under his deep kiss, you melted into the bed. Your hands roamed across his skin, first warm from sleep, then warm to match the heat simmering in your body.

Nipping at his jawline, you whispered, “I like this dream. Was there any more?”

Steve watched you for a second. Then with a light voice, he added, “no.” And he fell back to his side of your bed.

You pouted. Giving him a side glance, you leaned to trail your fingers down between his pecks. “Would you like to dream a little more… while awake?”

Then he was over you again. Gone was the cute, playful golden soldier retriever. Now his eyes were dark with want for you. He leaned close to your ear, nosing at the sensitive skin there. “Perhaps. But don’t you have to get to the hospital?”

Not for the first time, you thanked the scheduling gods. “No. I don’t have to be there until noon unless there’s an emergency. You?”

“Not unless there’s an emergency.”

There were never any clothes to get in the way. Between your scrubs and his uniform, getting ready in the morning was easier without the hurdle of pajamas. Steve was free to kiss and love bite his way down your neck, across your collar bone, and down between your breasts. You arched into him, gasping with delight. His blue eyes were just a flash as he caught sight of your mouth parted oh so slightly. Then he focused on bringing your simmer to a boil.

One nipple was the attention of his hand as he kneaded and pinched your nipple to attention. A phrase that’s just enough of a pun to make you both smile. The other was attended to by his mouth. He mirrored the actions with this tongue and teeth. Then switching just as your breathing was returning to even.

Your legs fell open, desperate for more of him. Steve obliged. He kicked the covers off the bed so he could kiss his way down to your sex unhindered. It knocked over the pile of throw pillows, spreading them haphazardly through the room. It’s a mess, but when is your place ever not one? And when are you ever not a mess when Steve sets to devour you? He pinned you to the bed. You can’t escape him or his actions. Not with his tongue flattening against you. Nor with the way he likes to blow cool air across your clit, which never fails to give you goosebumps. Not even calling out his name could stop him from delving in to taste every centimeter of you.

When he adds curling two fingers into you as well, you reached for him. You managed to grab some of his hair. He let you guide him from one spot to the other. Your toes curled. Steve came up for air with your essence shining on his lips.

“I like this dream,” he said. “Is there any more?”

He chuckled and climbed up into your needy arms. He lined himself up. Just before he started, he kissed you. The sounds that drive him crazy are muffled as he began to sink into you. The stretch is earth shattering all in itself. Steve waits for you to whine for him before thrusting.

Over and over like a wave, he did his best to corrupt the sweet bliss you had when you woke up. He hissed as you clawed down his back. It was necessary; you needed something to ground you. To keep you from flying so high on Steve and his cock that you would never come down to earth again. You needed more. Needed him. And he gave it to you. With a reangled roll of his hips, he speared the spot that made you cry out. He puffed a laugh against your skin. Then he kept hitting it. And he tightened his grip on your waist. It gave him the control he needed to pull and push you exactly where he wanted you.

“Steve-“

“Cum, baby girl. Cum. I’m right behind you,” he said, finishing at a rasp.

You arched up into his thrusts. On either side of his body, your legs fought to close while shaking uncontrollably. As promised, Steve’s release was right behind you. He rubbed up and down your thighs. His calm shushing and easing through his own struggle to breathe helped you come back down. You sank back into the disheveled sheets. The bed groaned as Steve left, then dipped as he came back with a warm washcloth to clean you both up.

You hummed. “I like your dreams.”

“I like them too. Especially when you are in them.”

Giggling, you covered your mouth. “And I like when you are in me.” That made him smile. He fell into the pillows beside you.

Running your fingers through his hair, you breathed in an overwhelming sense of contentment. You wanted to stay connected like this forever. If it were possible to have strings between your hearts, they would be there. Skin to skin would have to do.

Your favorite three words hadn’t been spoken yet, and you’re were just about to say them when Steve’s phone rang. He groaned and reached for it, answering to Tony on the other side. His body tensed. “Where?” You waited on bated breath. “Pick me up from the roof. I’ll be there in five.” He hopped up from the bed and started to throw on his uniform. “You should probably get going. The basement of the ICE Center just collapsed. It caught the subway. Your hospital is probably about to receive a rush.”

Scrubs and shoes and keys and Steve’s already gone.

Taking a crucial extra second, you turned on your tv. All the stations were talking about the collapse. One received word that explosive residue had already been identified. But the main focus was the subway train caught under the rubble.

“That can’t be right,” you muttered. “The charges went off at the wrong time.”

***

The ground shook under your motorcycle as there was another mini explosion. A few minutes ago, the flames had reached the gas line and took out the building next to the original target. The Avengers were already there, clearing the rubble and looking for survivors. You knew they also had eyes looking for anyone who might claim the attack. Hawkeye spotted you first.

“Incoming!”

His arrow just barely missed your shoulder, and only because you intentionally wrecked the bike to dodge it. They were on you like flies to sugar. The Winter Soldier, an old rival, met you hit for block. Both of you froze when the monitor on your wrist started to beep.

You locked eyes with him. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. Something else is about to-“

The concrete cracked and swam over the street’s tidal wave. All of you had to fight to stay standing. Another building started to crack. You watched the scar dart and climb the corner. A chunk broke off from the top, careening down towards the street.

Captain America couldn’t see it.

“Steve!” You ran, tackling him out of the way. In the roll that followed, your mask was ripped off. He curled his body over yours as dusty debris fell too. Even covered in dirt, Steve recognized you.

“Y/N?”

Were you breathing? Was he? It didn’t seem like it. Both of you were thinking too hard. Both trying to catch up with your thoughts.

“Yeah… it’s me.”

Steve puffed out a breath and hugged you close. Then he held you away at arm’s length. “What are you doing here? What is-“ He finally noticed your gear. The familiar colors, pattern, and cut. “Wh-… Aida?”

You chuckled. “That’s Miss Aida Queen, to you.” It wasn’t enough to make light of the situation. Fear twisted in your gut as he let go of your shoulders. The look he was giving you belonged to a different man. One looking at an enemy. Not a lover.

Bucky gingerly stepped closer, breaking the personal bubble around you. “Steve, Y/N, are you both alright?”

The Captain roughly launched to his feet. “You knew. You knew about this all along, didn’t you?”

“I was a super assassin.” Bucky shrugged. “We’ve met before. Back when I was… she’s saved my life a few times. I owed her a secret.”

Steve grabbed his collar. “And what about me? You didn’t owe me a secret. And you shouldn’t have kept this from me.”

Quietly, you stood. You inched away; the monitor was beeping again. Steve reached for you, but you dodged. “No, continue to argue by all means. The explosions are hemorrhaging. I’m going to stop them.” Wrenching yourself further from his grasp, you rushed down the broken steps of the subway entrance. You got to work, cutting wires and relay lines that shouldn’t have been there. Scarlet Witch joined you eventually and helped speed up the process. She stuck close as you came back to the surface.

You swallowed the dry in your mouth under Steve’s cold stare.

“It’s done.” In surrender, you held your arms out to him. “I don’t know what happened. Not all of that was mine. The only thing that was-“

“The only thing that was supposed to happen was you not lying to me.” The sides of his face flexed as he tightened and relaxed his jaw. “Was I ever going to find out?”

All you could do was shake your head.

Steve licked his lips. Anger broke off of him with each rising and falling off his shoulders. “I can’t do this anymore. Not with you.” He set his jaw, putting on the neutral mask of Captain America. “Because of… what existed before this, you get one chance to stop. To hide. After that, the full force of the Avengers is going after you.”

 _That’s never stopped me before_ , you thought. “You know that’s not going to stick,” you said instead. He started to walk away. You rushed after him. “Please, let’s just go back. Nothing has changed. Please.” You bumped off his chest and fell back as he quickly turned.

“You killed people, Y/N.”

“Murderers in their own way.”

“They had families.”

“Who will be better off without them.” You stood and dusted yourself off. “Do you have any idea who those monsters were? I really am a nurse, and I’ve seen what those greedy money-fisters have been doing. For every attack on the city, there are hundreds of people injured. Mr. Stark’s hospital grants are supposed to fund them. Instead, the money has been going into their personal savings and citizens have continued paying out of pocket. They were corrupt!”

Steve stepped towards you. Afraid, you moved back in a terrifying dance. “And what about the people who were on the subway. The ones in the two extra buildings that collapsed. Or are they just collateral damage?”

That stabbed you in the heart. “You know they aren’t,” you croaked. He continued to glare at you. No room for forgiveness. He wasn’t going to listen to you. Not really. You tried anyway. “Look. I tried going through the correct channels. But against pockets that deep, what could I do? And it’s not just New York. Every city were Mr. Stark’s grants exist there are whole rings of this. If you won’t let me do something about it, then you do it. I still believe there is a good person in you.”

“A good person in me!” He took a deep breath and shrugged Bucky’s hand off his shoulder. Then he nodded. “We’ll look into it, Miss Queen.”

He left you and Bucky standing on what was left of the street. That he didn’t look back hurt you the most. You would have dropped to your knees right there if Bucky hadn’t turned to catch your eye.

“Run, Y/N. That’s your only option. Go.”

So, you did. You revved up your injured bike and ran away.

***

Jocasta found you huddled on the lab floor. The warehouse was always cold, translating into there being plenty of blankets to make a nest out of. She sighed and sat on the ground beside you.

“Your… fight was all over the news,” she said softly. “Captain America and the assassin had another fight after you left. He was trying to say that the Captain should have defended you as much as he-“

“As much as he defended Bucky. But Bucky was being mind controlled. I was doing this, I planned it, all on my own. I know. I saw.”

She looked across the room at the shattered tv. With a sigh, she wrapped her arm around you. “What are you going to do?” The walls of the warehouse were fully stocked with plenty of materials. TNT, grenades, and nitroglycerin. Plenty for revenge.

“I’m going to Avenger’s tower.” You tried to get up, but Jocasta caught your shoulders.

“Wait… you’re not-“

“No. Jocasta, I can’t… I can’t do this. I need to go to him. Apologize. Go to jail if I have to. I’d rather lose my freedom than lose him.”

She stood and paced across the room. A table was caught in her iron grip for stability. With a shout, she knocked everything on it to the floor. “That can’t be right. You were supposed to be inspired.”

Shivering, you wobbled to your feet. “What are you saying? Did… did you do all of this?”

Jocasta barked a laugh. “In a way.” With a few taps of her fingers, she brought up last night’s security feed.

_“Remember, set it to go off at exactly eight am. Not a second later or it won’t miss the subway. We need that for next week.”_

_“Yes, ma’am.” Jocasta made notes on the clipboard. “Everything else is set. Here’s to another day of justice.”_

_You clinked your wine glasses together, then left your assistant to finalize everything so you could go home._

_Jocasta waited until the door was shut before doing anything else._

You watched in horror as Jocasta walked over to a tarp and pulled it back. It was a crate filled with explosives already primed and ready to go. She whistled and an army of darkly-clad people crawled out from every corner in the room. Each one took a piece. With a shock, you realized that they were shadows. They sank into the ground, taking the materials with them.

“Did you really think I did all that work by myself? I mean, I kinda did. But it’s easier to bring a city to its knees when you have more than two hands.” Her head tilted. “I was wrong about you. The strength you showed, the passion? It was all a façade. You’re weak. Always have been.”

A fiery hand gripped your lungs. It burned to breathe while your mind seemed frozen. The only things moving properly were your feet. You rushed to the door. Jocasta called out after you.

“You can run, but it won’t matter.”

Her smug laugh followed you all the way to one of Bucky’s safe houses.


	2. Stuck on Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reader has to be shaken awake from her nightmares. Bucky both comforts her and implores her to make amends. He starts his own investigation into Jocasta.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally came up with the rest of this work. While the first chapter could have stood alone as an angst fic, so many people asked for a second part, I had to oblige. I hope you guys enjoy reading this as it develops. Happy reading!

_The sizzling of bacon in the pan covered up the sound of his footsteps. Warm hands encircling your waist announced his arrival. For a moment you both stood in silence. It’s what you needed. It’s what he needed. Yesterday had been rough._

_“Mornin’,” he finally said, burying his head in your neck._

_“Mornin’.” After flipping a couple of pancakes, you turned and laced your fingers behind his neck. It didn’t take much to pull him down to your lips. Steve hugged your closer, deepening his taste of you. With a giggle, you pressed your hips into his morning hard-on._

_He grunted, pushing back. “What are we having for breakfast?”_

_It was a common game. Even though the counter and stovetop were covered in evidence, you played along. “It’s a secret.”_

_“A secret?” He hummed and turned you around again, trapping your wrists in his strong grip over your stomach. “Is it waffles?”_

_“No. I’ll never tell you.”_

_“Is it one of those fritter… frittatas?”_

_You giggled. “No. Face it, Captain. You’ll never get the truth from me.”_

_It was like lightning struck. The destruction rained down around you. In the background, the rest of the Avengers hurried to rescue screaming New Yorkers._

_“Why do you keep secrets from me, Y/N?” Steve’s voice was hard. Cold. And filled with something you hoped to never experience from him._

_Hatred._

_The rumble made your steps back wobbly. “Steve, I-“_

_“I trusted you!”_

***

You were tossing and turning again. The couch’s throw pillows were scattered on the ground. The blanket he’d given you were tangled around your legs, constricting your movements. Bucky shook his head. He welcomed the bite in his flesh shoulder from leaning on the doorframe. Doing this for a third morning wasn’t making it any easier. He exhaled slowly.

Time to wake you up.

***

_“Please. I never meant to hurt you.” You fell back. Steve caught your arm before you hit the ground. In a cruel twist from earlier in the dream, you were trapped against his body._

_“Hut me? Y/N, you hurt all of these innocent people. How am I any different?”_

_You struggled to get away. Anything not to face his pain._

“Aida!”

_“No. Please. It’s me, Y/N.”_

_“Aida, wake up.” Steve grit his teeth. “Wake up. Look around. You did this!”_

_Hot tears scorched your cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”_

_“Aida.”_

***

“Aida!” Bucky shook you again. “Wake up. It’s just a dream.” As you came to, his voice softened. “It’s just a dream. You’re okay. You’re safe.” When your eyes opened, they were red-rimmed. Bucky knew first-hand how much that stung. “Breathe. It’ll pass.”

You choked on a sob. “What’s the point, James? I hurt him. Betrayed him. He’s never going to see me the same way again.” Softer, broken, you added, “if ever.”

Knowing he’d have to tread lightly, he set to work untangling your legs. “He saw me. With time and a little explanation, he could see you too-“

“You were mind-controlled. I did this. It was my idea. My stupid idea.” Legs freed, you left the room. Cold water splashed onto your face forced the dreamy cobwebs further away.

Over the last several nights, your favorite memories had twisted into nightmares. The catastrophe downtown played on repeat, morphing and changing ever so slightly to hit on your biggest fears. You’d lost him. You’d lost your direction in life. And you had lost both of your best friends. Jocasta’s betrayal was the sharp twist of the knife you lodged into your own spine.

You jumped as Bucky knocked on the door.

“Aida.” There was a thunk as his forehead landed on the wood. “Let me in. You need to talk about this. Trust me.” His big puppy-dog eyes were friendly once you opened the door.

“My name is Y/N. Let’s start with that.” You shoved by him.

“Okay. Um… is there a last name to go with that?”

“No.” Nope. Not today. You weren’t going to dive into that pain too. Not after this morning. Then you really would shatter. But this was the Winter Soldier you were dealing with. Bucky Barnes. Given the circumstances, you don’t know which interrogation would have been worse. Instead of dwelling on it, you started to make coffee. Well, poured a cup. Bucky had already freshly brewed a pot.

He kept his distance, but never let you out of his sight. Questions needed answers. Now or never. “You have to tell me something.” Letting out a huff, he laid down his line. “It’s the cost of allowing you to stay here.”

There it was.

You considered grabbing the small bag you prepared. Leaving wouldn’t work. The bag and supplies were his too.

With a sigh, you rested your coffee on the counter. “I don’t have a last name. The one from my former life wasn’t mine, and the one I was born with… I can’t remember. Next.”

Bucky crossed his arms. “Why can’t you remember?”

“Because I was kidnapped at the tender age of six and the original was forcibly replaced.” The truth had been shoved deep for so long. You didn’t feel the tears on your cheek until Bucky wiped them away.

The story tumbled out. But without all the details. You didn’t tell him about how you screamed when “child services” dragged you from your mother’s arms for no reason. How your father fell silent as the cops protecting the officers handcuffed him on his belly in the dirt. You did tell him of the faint memory of a sister. Younger than you. Her bright yellow hairbow fell to the ground before they loaded her in a separate car. Nobody told you anything. And what can a six-year-old understand of cloudy legal proceedings?

“I never could blame my foster parents. They seemed just as trapped as I was. But they tried hard to love me anyway.” They loved you like their own. Wiped your tears. Eventually made you smile. In return for taking you in, they received funding for the best schools elementary through college and a stipend for your daily needs. There was pressure. In school you learned on an accelerated path with other children. Hours of homework and competitive assignments kept you active. And tired. Within a year your new last name was your own. Your sister’s name held out longer, but eventually it faded away too.

When you got to college, everything was revealed. You had been made into a genius student because of inactivated mutant ribosomes in your genes. The bloodwork they did revealed they would stay inactive. No matter. Your high levels of scientific understanding would benefit the world… and put many a shiny penny in their pockets.

With a sneer you continued, ‘but I fought back. Instead of going into any of the monetary fields, I went into nursing. Where they wanted to benefit from me, I made sure other people were going to benefit from what they did to me.”

Bucky coughed through a matching sneer. He could imagine the successful feeling of fighting back against the people who erased your past. A lightbulb went off in his memories. “Aida. A kidnapped princess who rebelled against her captors.”

You frowned. “I didn’t pick that name until later. Not until after I was working in the hospital and found out about the grant skimming.”

“Which is when you met Steve.”

Just the mention of his name made your heart ache. But it made you warm all over too. “Yeah.”

Bucky shook his head. “You need to talk to him.”

“No.” You walked to the window. Outside the trees were beginning to golden. The earth was starting to die.  _Matches my mood. Though it looks pretty._

“Yes, you should. He’s been moping around the tower since we got back from… the mission.”

You flinched. “Would you-“

“I don’t do missions for people who can do it themselves.” The return of his old tone ran like a knife up his spine. Softer he added, “not anymore.”

The ceramic cup wasn’t burning your fingers as much as a minute ago. And already there was a chill ebbing its way through the glass. Outside two children in matching black sweaters kicked a red ball between them.

“Stop ignoring me,” he said, slowly walking up behind you.

Coffee barely scalded your tongue. “What am I supposed to say? Hey, I know I hurt you. If it makes you feel better, my best friend is the reason everything went to sh-“

Bucky cleared his throat. “Point taken.” He watched another tear roll down your cheek.

“How can I face him?” A boulder weighed between your shoulder blades. A pebble was caught in your throat.

What he needed to say was going to hurt. “Just go to him. The words will come.” He sighed. “They did for me. I know I don’t have the same story as you, but I’m hoping you’ll have a similar ending.”

You continued to watch the present drift by instead of thinking about the past. Or the future.

***

Bucky left you alone with your coffee one he’d refilled it. Today you’d finally opened up. Up until now, you’d only stuttered out how much you didn’t know about Jocasta. Or her plan. The woman had been a patient who became a good friend. He frowned on his way to his bedroom. Some friend, taking your well-meant (if misguided) attempt to help and twisting it into a test. Forcing her mutant genes to activate would have been kinder.

Your silence didn’t mean he’d been stagnant. Hidden in the false bottom of his nightstand drawer, he kept a thin folder of what he found. Very thin. Two sheets. Jocasta’s medical record (when she met you) and her holdings. A house out of town. And another warehouse by the river, separate from the one you had.

He ducked his head back into the living room. You were asleep already. You’d been doing a lot of sleeping.  _A way to see Steve,_  he thought. Before he left, suited up for a reconnaissance mission, he left you a note.

        _Y/N,_

_Talk to him. He’s hurting just as much as you. If there’s anything you both need more than anything, it’s the truth. Use the number on this back of this to call a car. Go to the tower._

_Don’t think. Go_

_- ~~Buck~~  James_

Leaving it on the coffee table, he slipped out to find Jocasta.

**Author's Note:**

> I am cackling. This turned out so good! Please let me know (especially with kudos/comments) your thoughts about this fic. Absolutely anything. Did you like the smut? Do you hate me now? Do you want a part 2 if I could plan one? The works. I hope you enjoyed it!


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